On to Testing

I was so nervous to go to my appointment in January and tell my obgyn that I was failing at something so simple as making a baby. I cam armed with charts and questions. Although it had not been 12 calendar months it had been 12 cycles, and already felt like an eternity.

I sat there on the crinkly table waiting for my doctor to come in. We talked about the normalcy of my cycles and my leutal phase. She seriously thought something was wrong with my hubby since it had been longer since he had a child.

We decided to do a semen analysis, HSG (which is where they check your tubes and uterus for any abnormalities), and progesterone blood work done 7 days after ovulation. If everything came back fine we would start clomid. I would be able to do 3 rounds of clomid with my obgyn each cycle checking my progesterone level to insure that I had indeed ovulated. If we were not pregnant after 3 cycles I would then have to move to the RE.

So the testing began. First progesterone check came back perfect, I was ovulating just fine on my own.

Hubby’s semen analysis was perfect, ruling him out as the problem.

The HSG came back perfect as well.

So we started 50mg of clomid on CD5-9. Then we had a schedule on which to have sex. This was March, the  month of our anniversary. I thought the timing was perfect. And it was. I got a positive hpt on 15dpo. Two days later AF came. Another CP, another failure.

I picked myself up and started the next clomid cycle. 50mg CD3-7. April 2013 ended in a BFN.

The next cycle we decided it was time to head to the RE. My husband agreed and we made a consultation. We met with Dr. Griffith, he was amazing and gave me hope again. He said we needed to do CD 3 testing which includes: FSH, AMH, LH, and E2. As well as we could do optional genetic testing, which my husband wanted to do. We would then go in for a baseline ultrasounds to check AFC. Then depending on the results we could proceed.

I went and got 3 vials of blood drawn of CD3 and 17 vials of blood drawn for genetic screening. The baseline ultrasound showed an AFC of 2 which is incredibly low. This was our first red flag. We decided to proceed with 100mg of Clomid and IUI. But as the results came in things quickly changed. My FSH: 5.88, AMH: .64, LH: 4.97, E2: 72.1. What all of this means is my E2 was high which was falsely suppressing my FSH to look normal and my AMH was incredibly too low for my age. All of that combined with my AFC means I have diminished ovarian reserve. Meaning I have very few eggs left. The IUI cycle was cancelled and my husband and I were left to contemplate what was next.

At this point I couldn’t take it anymore, I needed a break. My husband needed a break. We were just drained emotionally. And it felt like we were only ever having sex to make a baby. I also felt completely broken.

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We went on about our life and in June we got a surprise positive on an hpt. I told my husband and we were so happy! For three days that is. And then just like before AF showed. This made CP #4. But this time something was different. This time something broke inside me. I was very sad and had to pick myself up off the floor. My husband though, he was amazing. He decided we needed to go back to the RE and move onto the next step. He had gotten excited for the baby and realized he was ready.

One failure is like another

Slowly my cycles became normal.

From 19-26-28 days.

I continued temping and even added the CBFM (clearblue fertility monitor). I learned to check my cervix and cm (cervical mucus). All so that I knew when the big O was coming so we could have plenty of sex to make a baby.

Only we didn’t.

People said stop trying, people said go on vacation. I said well I can’t stop trying but we are going to Disney World for vacation. We would be there right for ovulation time! It sounded so perfect.

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The happiest place on Earth!

Only vacation wasn’t a solution for us either.

Months ran into each other. I was sad, our sex life suffered. My husband felt like I only ever wanted him for baby making. I didn’t but it consumed me. I felt like a failure that couldn’t give my husband a baby.

In January after 12 cycles it was time to see my obgyn to see what we could do. I was tired of feeling like a failure and felt like we needed medical intervention. Plus my husband put a deadline of December on our baby making.

 

First Step

I knew nothing about TTC (trying to conceive). When I got pregnant with Brooke, well she wasn’t exactly planned so there was no trying it just happened. I thought I would just get my Mirena out, have some sex, and wham bam we’d be pregnant.

So April 30th was Day 1. I went into my obgyn all smiles telling her I want to have a baby! Out came the Mirena and out came the crazy. Since I had booked this appointment two weeks in advance I had already been educating myself via Dr. Google. Not to mention my BFF had just had her implanon taking out and was also ttc. So I was armed with the knowledge of opks (ovulation prediction kits).

Basically you poas (pee on a stick) and get one of two results.

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OR

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These are the kind I used that first cycle. A empty circle means no ovulation and a smiley means ovulation, or at least that’s how I understood things in May. Since I had just had the Mirena removed, we had no idea when I was going to ovulate as I had had no period since 2007. So I counted May 1st as CD 1(cycle day). I got my first positive on CD 3 and second on CD 4 (which is not normal, that’s incredibly early in a cycle. ) We of course dtd (did the deed). Then the lovely 2WW (two week wait) started. I was unaccustomed to this horrible time between ovulation and bfp or bfn (big fat positive/negative). It was it’s own realm of hell where you felt like you might be pregnant due to lovely progesterone.

During the first week I learned about Fertility Friend and temping. Which is where you take your basal body temperature every morning before you move to keep track of your cycle (this is the idiot’s explanation, it’s more involved than that). So I started temping, and early testing. On CD 7 I got a faint positive on an hpt (home pregnancy test), followed by another faint positive on CD 10. I took another test on CD 12…it was negative. The next day I went for a blood test, it was also negative. Our first cycle, our first try we experienced a CP (chemical pregnancy). My heart was broken. May 19 AF (aunt flow) came to visit and cycle number one was over. My BFF got pregnant from that same cycle, she welcomed her little miracle into her arms in January 2013.

The first cycle was hard, I felt like a failure. But I also told myself it was the Mirena’s fault. I only had a 19 day cycle and that wasn’t normal. I was armed with my thermometer and opks and ready for the next cycle!

 

The beginning

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We found each other at a wedding, Yes, a wedding of all places, crazy I know. I was quite content in my life. At the time I was a single mom and satisfied to be that for the rest of forever. But God had other plans for me. In walks in a cute redneck. He was all I never knew I wanted or needed. Oddly he knew everyone, my friends, my family. Because of our 7 year age difference we had never ran into each other before. For me it was love at first sight. Like an electric current ran through my body. I wanted to know everything about him. But I was so unsure of myself. So I listened to his stories, his laugh. He captivated people when he talked. I joked with him and just acted like myself. But of course I didn’t get the nerve to ask for his number. The wedding ended and everyone went home. I went to sleep thinking of him but accepted that I would never see him again.

The next day I woke to a text message from a mutual friend asking if she could give him my number. My response was YES! BUT tell him I play for keeps, I’m not looking for a one night stand. 3 days of talking to each other every hour on the phone and I finally got to go see him. We hit it right off and from that moment on we were inseparable.

We spent the next 2 months getting to know each other. He learned everything about me and my daughter and I learned everything about him and his son. On June 4th, his son’s birthday I finally got to meet him. He’s a well mannered teenager, who now I am glad to call son. The following day was my daughter’s birthday and the first day he got to meet her. Brooke fell in love with Tim right away. Our family was truly meant to be.

After this we spent a whirlwind weekend in Chicago, when Tim and I came home Brooke and I moved in.

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I feel like I’m rambling at this point but I’ll go ahead and finish our story. We got engaged in July. It wasn’t the most romantic proposal, in fact there was no proposal at all but it was all us. Tim said, “I’m never going to ask you that question.” “What question?” “The one where I get down on one knee, it’s not going to happen.” My response, “Ok, pick a date. September or March?”

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We got married March 12, 2012 after only being together 11 months. The next week Tim legally adopted our daughter. And by the end of the month we knew we wanted one more to tie our family together. Little did we know we would be embarking on an 18 month long journey through infertility.